Connie
Clark, Ph.D. CCBT
Christian Counseling of McPherson
620-241-3736
Helping
Your Child Deal With Stress
Stress is
a normal, unavoidable part of life.
It affects everyone, even children.
A preschooler is stressed when day-care arrangements are changed.
A school-age child is upset when he doesn’t do well on an
arithmetic test. A pre-teen worries about her changing body.
And a teenager feels stress as he tries to figure out what he is
going to do with his life.
Parents can ease the stress that children feel and
teach them to cope with stressful situations.
It is important to remember that stress is a natural part of your
child’s life. It only
becomes harmful when the problems and hassles of daily life overwhelm
your child.
This article is divided into sections that apply to
preschool, school-age and teenage children.
Each section gives common causes of stress and provides
information that will help you with your child.
Your help is vital. Children
who are emotionally isolated, who do not get the support of adults, and
who do not have confidence in themselves are the children who do not
handle stress well.
Children of all ages feel stressed when a new baby
arrives, the family moves, a divorce or remarriage occurs or when the
family is under financial pressures.
When you are under stress yourself, be sure to take the time to
explain the situation to your children.
A child who doesn’t understand a situation often imagines the
worst.
Remember that your child is learning from you.
Parents who are high-strung, perfectionists, or poor problem
solvers are apt to pass these traits on to their children because kids
copy their parents’ behavior.
Finally, too much stress can be harmful.
You need to recognize the signs of excessive stress so that you
can get help for your child. Seeking help may be a simple as talking the situation over
with a friend, family member, or minister.
Someone who is familiar with your family’s situation may be
able to give some objective, useful advice.
If the situation is extreme, you may need to talk with your
family physician, a psychologist, school guidance counselor, or another
professional.
Helping
Your Preschooler
Preschoolers need loving reassurance and
support. They have little
control over their own lives and are too young to use problem-solving
skills to work through situations.
Common stressful situations include:
starting or changing day-care, starting preschool, the arrival of
a new baby and toilet training. Scary
things, sickness, and the unknown also are stressful.
What can you
do?
It is up to you to recognize warning signs of stress and help
your child through the difficulty. Explain what is going on in simple, reassuring language.
Encourage your child to talk about his fears.
Don’t tell your child that his fears are silly; they are very
real to him. Holding and
cuddling a young child will help ease the stress.
Finally, you can increase your child’s sense of security by
remaining calm during times of difficulty.
Helping your
School-Age Child (6 to 12)
Life
can be hard for a child between the ages of 6 and 12.
A child has to deal with pressures at home and learning to cope
with a larger world that involves school and friends.
Common stressful situations include: having an
unusual name, taking a test at school, being pressured to make good
grades, making new friends, not getting along with a teacher, being
embarrassed, and being excluded from activities and friends.
You can tell when stress is getting to your child.
He may withdraw, regress, and act like a younger child, wet his
bed, or develop sleep problems. Other
signs include: lying, cheating, crying or difficulty at school.
What can you
do?
Try to understand what he is going through.
Encourage him to talk things over, and help him to think through
problems. He is beginning
to develop some problem-solving skills, although he needs help in this
area.
If problems seem to revolve around school, sit down
with your child’s teacher and work together to set realistic goals and
standards for achievement. The
problem may not be academic. Sometimes
children are involved in too many different activities.
On the other hand, an isolated child or one who is not fitting in
with children at school may benefit from being encouraged to participate
in a group activity, such as a church youth group or 4-H Club.
Helping
Your Teenager
Many of the stresses teens experience are related to
growing up. They worry
about their changing body, struggle with sexuality and search for their
identity. Teenagers can
talk about their problems and should have developed problem-solving
skills. However, because of
the emotional upheaval and their uncertainty about important decisions,
they need special help and support from adults.
Teens are very sensitive to criticism.
Even well-meant advice can seem like criticism and trigger an
angry or defense response. Self-esteem is generally low.
Common stresses include: taking tests, pressure to make good
grades, pressure to experiment with sex and drugs, problems in boy/girl
relationships, pressure from too many activities, and lack of
self-confidence.
How can you tell if your
teenager is under too much stress?
Look for eating or weight problems, nail biting and excessive
daydreaming. Neglecting personal appearance, increased irritability and
exhaustion are other signs of stress.
Often teens respond to stress by withdrawing, not communicating,
becoming rebellious, and getting into trouble.
What can you do
to help?
Consider your teen’s schedule.
Is he over-extending himself?
Some teenagers find themselves swamped when they add an
after-school job to an already full day.
Perhaps the most effective way to help your teenager
is to keep the lines of communication open.
He may not want or need your advice, but he will appreciate your
attention. Most teenagers
like adults to just listen to them.
Encourage your child to get physical.
Teens can work off some of their stresses in aerobics, skating or
biking. This is a very
constructive way of dealing with stress.
CounselingChristians.com |